Tag Archives: Swords

En garde! Swashbuckling, duels, and stabbing.

The Rising of the Shield Hero – Anime Review

Japanese Title: Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari

 

Similar: Re:Zero

Grimgar: Ashes and Illusions

Overlord

 

Watched in: Japanese & English

Genre: Action Adventure Drama Fantasy

Length: 25 episodes

 

Positives:

  • Good music

Negatives:

  • Loli harem
  • Everyone is moronic
  • Conflict points forgotten every few episodes
  • Infuriating to watch

(Request an anime for review here.)

The Rising of the Shield Hero is infuriating from the very first episode. Should you embark on this isekai journey, know that you will want to pluck your eyes out at the stupidity of the characters before long.

Like all MMO isekai, this story is about an ordinary guy transported into a fantasy world that follows the rules of a video game. The difference here, however, it that he is one of four summoned to save this world from the impending apocalypse against their will. Each hero wields a legendary item – sword, spear, bow, or shield. For some reason, seemingly everyone in this world hates whoever wields the shield. So, of course, Naofumi is bestowed with the power of the Shield Hero.

Matters immediately turn against him when the king ignores him before the court, the one woman who joins his party (fighters flock to the other heroes) robs him like the sucker he is and falsely accuses him of rape. No one believes his denial.

See, this setup sounds good on paper – much of the story sounds good on paper – but the execution doesn’t just fail, it infuriates. Let’s take the trial, where the king and the other heroes determine what to do with the Shield Hero for “raping” the woman. First, everyone believes her without question as if they are dumbest people to have ever lived. No, not as if – they are the dumbest people to have ever lived. Furthermore, Shield Hero can’t even remain consistent. One second he’s accused of rape, which holds an instant death penalty, with the other heroes saying he’s scum and should die, but when he demands to be sent back home, some dipshit says he’s giving up at first sign of trouble? Ah yes, facing death is just “a sign of trouble”. What kind of garbage dialogue is this?

You want to know what happens next? Do they kill him? Do they at least lock him up? Nope, he just walks out.

The purpose of this incident was to strip him of all allies and resources, starting him at the lowest point for maximum conflict in the story. This is good. Executing it in this manner is not. And as I said, Shield Hero can’t keep its story straight. It forgets he’s supposed to be put to death. Yes, word does spread of his “actions” and people shun him at every turn, including merchants ripping him off, but the fact that he supposedly raped a princess (the woman was a princess) may as well have been as serious a crime as pissing on a postman everyone liked.

Let me talk about the whole “the Shield Hero always sucks” device for a moment. We never receive an explanation for why everyone thinks the Shield sucks. The king holds a personal grudge against all Shield Heroes, sure, but why would anyone else go along with it? The peasantry doesn’t give a toss about a king’s feelings.

Then we come to the idea that the Legendary Shield itself is weak. Has this guy not seen 300? It quickly becomes apparent that the Shield has great power, including the ability to summon an iron maiden to crush opponents in a spiked tomb. Furthermore, he’s not the first Shield Hero, which means previous incarnations would have demonstrated its power. Do I need to explain further?

Another weird point is how blasé the four guys are about suddenly teleporting to a fantasy world. The story tries to explain it by saying that three of them played an MMO matching this setting in their alternate versions of Japan (Naofumi read about it in a book). Look, if I ended up in World of Warcraft or Guild Wars one day, it would still be a shock regardless of how many hours days months years I put into those games. It’s as if the isekai genre has become so overdone, so trite that there’s no point trying to sell the premise – the audience will eat it up either way.

Anyway, after the rape trial that everyone forgets, Shield Hero buys himself a slave tanuki-girl called Raphtalia to be his sword since the Legendary Heroes cannot wield other weapons. Raphtalia is probably the best character of the series. After a training curve and going from loli to adult overnight (“game mechanics”), she’s tough, competent, and justifies her presence. I wouldn’t call her great, but it’s a surprise to have a female character of her quality in an isekai harem.

One point of conflict arises when Bitch Princess learns of Raphtalia. She yells about how the Shield Hero is reprehensible for keeping a slave. To nobody’s surprise, everyone sides with her in wanting to lynch him. Doesn’t this kingdom have rampant slavery of demi-humans without checks and don’t all humans, royal family included, treat demi-humans like trash? Why would any of them care he has a slave?

You want to know what happens next? The Spear Hero challenges him to a duel, where the princess cheats for him (everyone sees this, but she says she didn’t cheat, so they believe her [just kill me]), the conflict is explained away by someone finally agreeing that she cheated, and then forgotten like the rape before it.

The presence of these two characters in particular, Spear Hero and princess, tanks the quality of Shield Hero.

A big chicken/loli girl joins Naofumi next in an episode that defies belief. Dipshit Spear Hero and his Bitch Princess are extorting a village with ludicrous taxes that will starve the people. When the Shield Hero objects, they challenge him to a chocobo race for ownership of the village. Naturally, Bitch Princess cheats the whole time. This episode makes Shield Hero feel like the comical Wacky Racers rather than the grim fantasy it so desperately wants to portray. He wins, they bugger off.

Do their actions give them a bad reputation? Take a guess.

It’s like this over and over again. When not on a filler grinding episode (obviously the most interesting part of an MMO…), someone – usually the princess or Spear Hero – accuses him of a crime that warrants death (or equivalent), everyone believes the accuser, he defends himself miserably, the situation resolves because someone says so, and there are no lasting consequences. The only consistency is that everyone hates the Shield Hero. Yet even that only continues by raising idiotic scenario after even more idiotic scenario to have everyone hate him. He saves the world? Doesn’t matter – someone said I should hate him, therefore I do. The way they treat him, even during the apocalyptic waves, you’d think they didn’t want saving.

The stupidest of all conflict points has to be the brainwashing shield. Later in the series, a third loli girl joins Shield Hero’s harem, who turns out to be the other princess and first in line for the throne. Bitch Princess is on her trail to kill the competition. When she catches up to the Shield Hero’s group and sees loli princess with him, what can she do to separate sister from protector? I know! How about accuse him of kidnapping the girl? What? She’s saying she wants to be with him? Hmm, what to do…what to do? That’s right! His shield has a brainwashing power. Does it really? Yes, because I say so. And with that evidence to go on, everyone believes her. (Just tear my eyes out and feed them to the chickens already!)

Execution is wrong at every turn. For instance, the other heroes are more interested in feeding their egos with glory and adoration of the masses. They will sweep into town, solve whatever problem the people are facing, and ride off like champions without consideration for the larger problems created. This is an interesting idea, to have heroes be the cause of problems. Poor execution sadly saps potential. Naofumi rocks up and solves the problem in an episode or two with no lasting effects on the story. Instead of using the “monster of the week” formula, it’s a “problem of the week” structure and just as disposable. Action scenes also follow the “you made me use my trump card” battle structure, which rarely performs well at the best of times. When the trump card does come out, there’s no reason they couldn’t have used it right away to end the fight without injury.

The conflict owes its stupidity to the characters above all. I’ve talked a lot of Bitch Princess (the resolution to her arc is so moronic that you’ll want to blow your brains out to forget it), but she is just the start. Spear Hero, dipshit supreme and useful idiot-in-chief; the other heroes, may as well delete them for how much they bring to the table; loli princess, complains that Shield Hero doesn’t get along with her father, demanding he apologise to the king; the king, why is he king; the populace, none should be saved; and worst of all, Queen Chicken.

Late in the series, the queen of chocobos chickens filolials comes to the Shield Hero and says that if the four heroes don’t learn to work together, they won’t be strong enough to conquer later waves of the apocalypse. She will kill them to summon four new heroes who can do better, should it come to that. Remember how I said that all conflict resolves through hand waving? This threat resolves the hatred from other heroes – never mind the stupidity of not making this clear from the beginning, you absolute. incompetent. imbeciles!

That’s not the worst of it. She says the following to him, in regards to his conflict with other heroes: “Did you every try to get along with them? Did you ever try to defend yourself? If you don’t defend yourself, it will be seen as an admission of guilt.”

Not only was he the friendliest on arrival and not only did he try to defend himself from the very beginning, this logic is utterly moronic. For one, they want him to be guilty. This logic reminds me of those teachers who say to a bullied kid, “Have you tried being nicer [to your bullies]?”

Stupidity just doesn’t stop. Look, just because you make fun of light novel tropes in your first scene, doesn’t make you any better than the rest of them. In fact, you turned out worse! The season ends with consequences for some of the biggest idiots. However, as I said at the start, the execution is wrong every step of the way. The story can’t decide if it’s a grim fantasy, one hero against the world, or some dumb loli harem for idiots. It’s certainly not the former with its inability to kill characters for good.

The Rising of the Shield Hero was the biggest isekai in the first half of 2019. If this is the best the genre has to offer these days, then there is no hope.

Art – Medium

The animation, though inconsistent at times, is good and the world has plenty of texture. Early episodes show promise of high production values, but they drop over time to a decent level.

Sound – Low

I like the OPs with their electro vocals and the acting is good (except the Japanese loli voice, as always), but the writing is another story. It is just so moronic. Every episode brings your head into your hands as you question the mentality of these characters.

Story – Very Low

A guy summoned to a fantasy land unfortunately receives the power of the weakest hero weapon – the shield – and faces endless discrimination as he tries to protect the world that hates him. Good on paper, bad in execution, The Rising of the Shield Hero is a painful train wreck.

Overall Quality – Very Low

Recommendation: Avoid it. The Rising of the Shield Hero is an infuriating experience I don’t recommend to anyone.

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Awards: (hover over each award to see descriptions; click award for more recipients)

Positive: None

Negative: 

Awful DialogueInduces StupidityRubbish Major Characters

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Log Horizon 2 – Anime Review

Japanese Title: Log Horizon 2

 

Related: Log Horizon (season 1)

Similar: Overlord

Grimgar: Ashes and Illusions

Spice and Wolf

 

Watched in: Japanese & English

Genre: Action Adventure Fantasy

Length: 25 episodes

 

Positives:

  • Expands on the game’s mechanics
  • More economy and social dynamics

Negatives:

  • Disappointing look at the larger world
  • Kids are still around
  • Rather padded due to incomplete source material

(Request an anime for review here.)

Log Horizon’s first season left me on a positive note. I loved the focus on the mechanics and social aspects of an MMO world, rather than championing action above all else like we see in most of the genre. My primary criticisms were the child characters, who contributed nothing to the story, the small scope of the world despite claims of it spanning the globe, and the clunky action bogged down by overexplanations. So, what does the second season bring to the table? Let’s find out.

With governance and society settled in the virtual district of Akiba, Shiroe and his guild look to explore further out into the world of Elder Tale, especially as other regions gain power. His greatest struggle now is figuring out how to keep Akiba going with funds running low. He comes up with the plan of forming a raid to plunder a mountain of riches guarded by raid bosses. However, plans go awry when the players realise that there are in fact consequences to dying and respawning in game.

First, I like this exploration of death mechanics. It adds a new level of consequences to an area once thought inconsequential. Death in Elder Tale comes at the expense of your real life memories, which doesn’t seem like a big deal until the players remember that they don’t know if they’re trapped in here or not. There may still be a way out of the game. This is interesting. Much like the food mechanics and importance of NPCs in season 1, this demonstrates effort on the author’s part in the creation of his MMO world. When you look at the likes of Sword Art Online or .hack//Sign, you don’t feel any sense that the author spent more than a day creating their worlds. They just slapped together less than the basics of a fantasy world and called it a masterpiece. These mechanics are Log Horizon’s greatest strength.

We also receive more exploration of economy – other great element of the series – with Akiba’s financial struggles. This invites new allies and other guilds to the mix on the path to the gold trove. Shiroe is still a great character as well with diabolical plans and cunning stratagems.

You may notice that all the positives I have to say are more of what was already strong in Log Horizon. Unfortunately, that’s the case. Log Horizon 2 doesn’t fix anything.

The larger world exploration, for instance, is a massive disappointment. They go to a new region across the water – equivalent of China in game, I believe – and it’s just bland. Most MMOs put in a ton of effort in making their zones distinct and varied, knowing that players will spend countless hours in these places and should be as appealing as possible. Such a disappointment.

Then we have the issue of the kids. I had hoped that season 1 would be the end of their arc; alas, we are to suffer further in boredom through their pep talks and lack of contribution to the plot. At least they’re episodes are funnier this time with the entrance of a new character that looks suspiciously like a female Shiroe…

Look, the kids are inoffensive, but they are symptom of a larger problem this season: padding. This season feels like 12 episodes stretched out to fill 25 episodes. I suspect that the source material was running out at the time (light novels still aren’t complete, by the way) and they had to pad for time. More episodes have diversions to “fun” moments that don’t advance story. More dialogue sequences slow to a crawl to hit that runtime. And more action scenes drag out with the trademark of pausing every few seconds to explain abilities. Watching Log Horizon makes me realise that smooth anime action not bogged down in exposition takes real talent.

None of this content is truly bad, by any means, but one can easily see the gears wearing out before reaching halfway down the track. Log Horizon is one of the few good MMO isekai and I hope for a third season. Still can’t help wishing it was so much better though.

Art – Medium

The art is the same as the first season: rather generic style for the genre, though decent, and could use more animation.

Sound – High

The same great OP song is back (I wish more shows stuck to their best theme song rather than changing it every cour) and the acting is good. The localisation is still great as well.

Story – Medium

The guild faces financial pressures as their city becomes unsustainable, so it’s up to their cunning guild leader to find a way past raid bosses to a mountain of gold. Log Horizon 2 adds more of the good from the previous series without addressing any of the issues.

Overall Quality – Medium

Recommendation: For Log Horizon fans only. Since Log Horizon 2 doesn’t fix any of season 1’s problems, this will only appeals to fans of the first.

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Overlord – Anime Review

Japanese Title: Overlord

 

Related: Overlord II & III (sequels – included in review)

Similar: Log Horizon

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime

Drifters

 

Watched in: Japanese & English

Genre: Action Fantasy

Length: 39 episodes (3 seasons)

 

Positives:

  • Mighty protagonist
  • Old school MMO knowledge

Negatives:

  • Much of the side cast lacks depth
  • Plans could use more cunning
  • Art keeps getting worse

(Request an anime for review here.)

The end of an MMO’s life can be a sad event for those who spent years living in that world. To outsiders, it’s just another game they never heard of. To the players, to those who formed lasting friendships and created countless memories, it can be tough to let go. For Momonga, it’s a time of heartbreak when the MMO Yggdrassil reaches the end of its life, outstripped by newer and grander games. The Great Tomb of Nazarick, once home to a mighty guild only has NPCs, artefacts, and memories to fill it vast caverns. He sits in the guild hall, alone, his last guildmate logged out already, as the timer counts to midnight marking the final shutdown. He falls asleep.

When he awakens sometime later, he’s still logged in. Not only that, it becomes apparent that he has become his character, an almighty necromancer, and that the NPCs have come to life around him. They follow their initial character profiles, yes, but they are as real as anyone else is now. He takes on the name of his guild, Ainz Ooal Gown, and decrees it his objective in this new life to take his guild to greater heights and conquer the world of Yggdrassil.

I love this premise and the angle it took of making him more of a villain, commanding the non-human races in conflict against the humans. (My understanding is that in the game itself, there were two faction with the non-humans seen as the “evil” side.) He isn’t truly evil – you aren’t watching Voldemort and his minions – but he does feel like a player seeing this world as a mere game, where the victory condition is to conquer everything like in the Civilisation series.

Unfortunately, he’s the only memorable character. His guild headquarters are like the ultimate challenge tower of an old school MMO with powerful monsters guarding each floor. These monsters are the new guild members. Each is a rather one-note character. We have the brawny guy, the smart guy, the naïve yet powerful child, the loli vampire, the succubus in love with Ainz (he reprogrammed her profile as a joke before the shutdown, only for it to carry over), and several others. They are as you would expect from their one-line descriptions. They should have been more akin to the homunculi from Fullmetal Alchemist instead of these unimposing cast fillers. Ainz truly carries the series.

That said, he doesn’t carry it enough to elevate Overlord to greatness. For one, his masterful plans aren’t as cunning as I would like them to be. One would hope for something on the level of Code Geass when you have such an anti-hero protagonist. What we have is okay.

The last great flaw with Overlord is the art. First, all the design effort went into Ainz, who looks great as an undead sorcerer, leaving the monsters that surround him and the humans they face as generic (the succubus has a little more effort than the rest). Much worse, however, is the reliance on CG as a Tour-de-France cyclist relies on drugs.

The first scene to greet you is an army of CG skeletons that look just awful. We don’t see them again for a while, which made me think it was a temporary matter and Overlord II does see an improvement, but lo and behold, the CG soon returns in full force like an endless horde of ugly. Overlord III’s climactic few episodes are a showcase of the worst CG you will see in any full production in the last 10 years of anime. The archers, knights, goblins, horses, demons, everything – all CG 90% of the time, even in close ups. I cannot believe Madhouse output this work. The studio behind One-Punch Man and many of anime’s greatest looking films did this? How? I could understand if it came from the folk responsible for Hand Shakers, but Madhouse!?

To end on a positive though, I do enjoy that Overlord draws from more old school MMO sensibilities, with its ridiculously overpowered items and lack of structure to the game design. It speaks to a time when balance wasn’t much of a concern. Of all the MMOs I mastered, this reminds me most of the Norse mythology themed Ragnarok Online (perhaps that’s why the author called his game Yggdrassil?) It makes for a nice change from other isekai that lean modern.

Whether Overlord grabs you will depend entirely on how much you like the protagonist and your level of tolerance for the art. It’s one of the better MMO isekai in a field of weak competitors.

Art – Low

No animation on the protagonist when he talks feels incredibly lazy – they could have at least given him some sort of psychic effect. The monster designs aren’t half as good as the protagonist’s design. Lots of still shots, dull photography, and repeating animation. It gets worse in season 3 when the big climatic battle almost all CG.

Sound – Medium

The protagonist has the best performance in either language, effortlessly switching between the nerdy inner voice and imposing outer overlord. Good acting elsewhere. I like some of the OP and ED songs.

Story – Medium

A player falls asleep in game at the end of an MMO’s life only to wake up as his character, an undead overlord. The unique perspective of playing the villain is interesting enough to make up for its shortcomings.

Overall Quality – Medium

Recommendation: For video game fans. Overlord’s best features all relate to games, yet doesn’t do enough to appeal beyond the core. However, it is something different for the genre.

(Request reviews here. Find out more about the rating system here.)

 

Awards: (hover over each award to see descriptions; click award for more recipients)

Positive: None

Negative:

Ugly Artistic Design

.hack//Sign – Anime Review

Japanese Title: .hack//Sign

 

Related: .hack//Legend of the Twilight (sequel)

.hack//Roots (sequel)

Similar: Log Horizon

Sword Art Online

Serial Experiments Lain

 

Watched in: Japanese & English

Genre: Adventure Fantasy Science Fiction

Length: 26 episodes, 2 OVA

 

Positives:

  • Top tier ethereal soundtrack

Negatives:

  • Unbelievably boring
  • Repetitive and slow
  • Poor action
  • Shallow MMO world

(Request an anime for review here.)

A decade before MMO isekai became a big deal there was .hack//Sign. If you’re wondering why the genre didn’t take off back then, let me enlighten you.

Whereas the popular isekai premise of today is to trap everyone inside an MMO, Hack Sign only traps an individual, a teenager called Tsukasa who wakes up in a dungeon with no memories and soon discovers he can’t log out. Furthermore, he begins to taste and feel this virtual world on his skin. When other adventurers hear of his predicament, some look to help him while others fear him, particularly for the Guardian artefact that protects him, able to fell players in a single strike.

So, this premise sounds intriguing, especially if it’s the first of its kind for you, right? It has mystery, a vast world, monsters, player versus player combat, and a pitiable protagonist. What could go wrong?

Never have you seen an anime more boring than Hack Sign. For a story set in a game about exploration and fighting monsters, there is very little exploration and next to no action. And what action we do see is so poorly animated that you’re grateful there isn’t more of it.

The last time I watched Hack Sign was all the way back in early 2003 and I didn’t realise until this rewatch for review that I had never finished it. Even with my love for MMOs, I couldn’t continue. I didn’t consciously drop it. It just faded away. I’d wager that the only reason I even made it to a few episodes from the end was the soundtrack, which I place as one of anime’s greatest. In fact, I like this soundtrack so much that I managed to finish this rewatch by passively enjoying the music.

Alright, that’s enough praise. Time for the juice.

I mentioned the lack of action earlier, so you must be wondering what fills the time instead. If I said “Nothing,” I wouldn’t be far off the mark. Most scenes are of characters just sitting around talking about Tsukasa’s predicament. Legends speak of an item called the “Key of Twilight” that can break the rules of the game and perhaps free Tsukasa. In itself, this wouldn’t be bad – I’d like to see an MMO isekai focused on socialising over action. However, when coupled with the amount of repetition, the same characters going over the same talking points, your eyes will roll back as you pass out.

A group of players roleplay as an unofficial “police” force called the Crimson Knights, led by a small woman with wings called Subaru. I really don’t get this character. All the Knights revere her, treat her like royalty combined with the respect commanded by the greatest leaders, and I don’t know why. At no point does she demonstrate great cunning, strength, power, leadership, or wisdom. Forget the story; this is Hack Sign’s greatest mystery.

Much like the circular conversations of Tsukasa’s acquaintances, the Crimson Knights scenes are repetitive to a baffling degree. Count the number of times Subaru’s top knight says that they should get rid of Tsukasa and witness how often other players offend him for not showing her enough respect. We’re just going in circles here.

Oh god, I just remembered the flashbacks! As if each scene going nowhere wasn’t bad enough, they have to replay them in the next episode! These aren’t your usual flashbacks either, glimpsing a past scene to draw attention to some detail. No, these will replay entire scenes for your brain-leaking pleasure.

Characters are the one element that can salvage a story crawling in circles. KonoSuba doesn’t really go much of anywhere, yet those characters are so fun that you could watch them for a long while. Sadly, Hack Sign doesn’t have that luxury.

Take Tsukasa, protagonist, most important of the cast – he’s anti-social, always running away, and quite the dick to everyone. Unlikable to the very end. Even with the tragic backstory. The Crimson Knights are one-note and the only real villain is a sleazy assassin searching for the Key (his real identity reveal is rather funny and exactly who you would expect if you’ve played MMOs before).

You can see the author tried to go for depth with the cast. This one character called BT (named after the Bacon Lettuce Tomato sandwich, minus the lettuce because she hates it) is part of the group helping Tsukasa, yet we see that she has ulterior motives as she uses both good and bad people, never quite sure which side she will fall on. Due to the execution, however, it has no impact. You wouldn’t want to hang out with any of these characters in an MMO.

I appreciate that the script doesn’t bog down with massive exposition and mechanic dumps (unlike Log Horizon), but Hack Sign goes too far in the other direction. There is so little substance that we have nothing left. A bit more focus and direction would help engage the audience.

Unless you want an unusual anime with great music to watch while you slowly sink into the couch, .hack//Sign isn’t for you (or me). If I knew it was so dull, why did I bother again? I wanted to see if it is as boring as I remember.

It is.

Art – Low

The character and world designs remind me of the Suikoden games, which is nice, but the animation sucks and there is so little variety for an MMO world in 26 episodes. Even the dangerous Guardian is a weak design – golden testicles floating around a bracelet, really?

Sound – Medium

Look, Hack Sign has one of the best anime soundtracks ever. I have had a few of its songs on my playlist for over 16 years. The acting is quite good as well – go for the Japanese, as this is from the era when the Japanese was usually the better track all round. Bear, for example, sounds much better with a deeper voice. However! No soundtrack or acting talent can save this mind-numbing script.

Story – Low

A kid wakes up one day as the sole player trapped in an MMO, where a magical artefact becomes his deadly guardian. One would imagine that such a premise would be full of mystery, suspense, and adventure. One would also be wrong.

Overall Quality – Low

Recommendation: Avoid it. Unless you are so intensely curious to see what the deal is with anime’s most boring series, avoid .hack//Sign.

(Request reviews here. Find out more about the rating system here.)

 

Awards: (hover over each award to see descriptions; click award for more recipients)

Positive: 

Great Music

Negative:

Poor PacingRepetitive

Sword Art Online 2 – Anime Review

Japanese Title: Sword Art Online 2

 

Related: Sword Art Online (1st season)

Similar: Log Horizon

No Game No Life

Zegapain

 

Watched in: Japanese & English

Genre: Action Fantasy Science Fiction

Length: 24 episodes

 

Positives:

  • Makes the first season seem amazing

Negatives:

  • Kirito is more Mary Sue than ever
  • New girl’s backstory is hysterical
  • Act 3 is filler, yet again!
  • Exposition dumps everywhere
  • The garbage keeps piling up

(Request an anime for review here.)

I don’t know how he did it, but he managed to make Sword Art Online look like a masterpiece. Sword Art Online 2 is such trash that you’re going to need a hazmat suit to sit through all the cancer this anime jabs into your eyeballs.

Shortly after the events of the first season, where thousands died trapped in a virtual MMO, everyone has forgotten about the incident and nothing came of the disaster. Utterly incompetent at everything, the government hires Mary “Kirito” Sue to enter the latest virtual MMO craze, Gun Gale Online, and figure out how a player can kill people in real life by shooting them in game with a “Death Gun” (not kidding). He teams up with the useless sniper Plumber’s “Sinon” Crack, who has the tragic backstory of being terrified of finger guns (not kidding). Meanwhile, Mary Sue’s harem of useless women (including his sister and “daughter”) are stuck in last year’s game, some fantasy trash no one cares about anymore, while they circlejill about how amazing Mary Sue is. They don’t matter, their game doesn’t matter, so let’s forget them there.

Where to begin?

The exposition dumps! I lost count of the amount of time spent with characters sitting down – often in a diner – just vomiting exposition. The first episode alone spends over half of its time on one such scene. I get that Sword Art Online is made for the lowest tier, but have some respect for their intelligence. When it isn’t farting exposition in your mouth after having eaten five too many spicy burritos the night before, Sword Art Online 2 graces you with filler dialogue and some of the dumbest lines in anime history. Mary Sue acts like a dimwit before the show’s big tournament just so the girl can explain everything. The narrative dumps everything beforehand rather than showing it to the audience along the way. Let’s not forget the repetition. It repeats a flashback of a fight with the villain group from SAO four times!

Then we have the new game of the season, Gun Gale Online. This game is reason enough to slam this anime in the dumpster. First, they advertise it as the only game with pro players (what?), then the way they talk about character builds and the metagame doesn’t make sense for a shooter (even one with RPG elements). The system for getting paid – converting virtual currency to real money – is also illegal yet never questioned (remember, the government sent Mary Sue into this game, so wouldn’t they do something?) Once inside the game, it only gets worse. You know what would be better than an empty shell of a new world each season? One fully developed world instead.

How do players not die in a single hit if everyone uses guns? Well, in Gun Gale Online, you can see the trajectory of a bullet before it fires. Did the author put any thought into this? Look, if I pointed a gun at you and told you where I was aiming, you still wouldn’t dodge in time. The only way this works is if the bullets are as slow as molasses, in which case, why bother with guns at all? It’s so stupid it hurts.

Apparently, the character creator is random. Mary Sue has a female avatar generated for him (oh the sweet irony), which is just an excuse to have him be a girl this season – a girl, by the way, that looks just like him, though that may be down to A-1 Pictures’ inability to draw more than one face. Yeah, “random”.

You know SAO 2 is going to be shite in episode 4 – well, from the first scene really, but episode 4 cements it at the bottom of the ocean. Mary Sue needs money as a new player and sees a gambling game where one has to reach a gunslinger down the street while dodging his bullets. No one has ever won, adding to the prize pool with each failure. After seeing only one person’s attempt, Mary Sue breezes through it as easy as a stroll down the street. Of course. He gives us some nonsense about “predicting the prediction” to dodge bullets. So you’re telling that in the most hardcore, competitive PvP VRMMO, none of these professional players ever did the same? What sort of an idiot wrote this?

What does he do with this instant jackpot? He buys a Lightsaber. Yes, in a game about guns, where all swords are known to be useless, they conveniently have Lightsabers – sound effects included (and the villain is a Darth Vader rip-off) – just so Mary Sue can wield a sword like he did in other games. And to nobody’s surprise, he is amazing with it right away. He is so good that he can cut down every bullet from full auto machine gun fire. The author is so bad that he forced a FPS game upon the audience, yet couldn’t even commit and had to give Mary Sue an invincible sword. He can also drive motorbikes instantly and better than anyone else, having learnt this skill from playing racing games in the past. You know, regular racers on screen… (“Is it possible to learn this laziness?” “Not from a good writer.”) There is no attempt at hiding his power.

You have one guess on who wins the big tournament with Sinon.

Speaking of Plumber’s Crack (her character designer made sure she had her crack visible at all times for Mary Sue’s convenience, for we all know he wants to eat that ass), allow me to present to you the worst female character ever written. Her first introduction gives the impression of a sniper at the highest tier of play. As soon as Ass Muncher enters the game, however, she becomes useless all so that he can save and grope her at every turn. It goes so far that the climax has Ass Muncher telling her exactly what to do because she now has the skill of a noob. Every girl, no matter how strong, becomes a puddle of piss around this guy.

The funniest part is her backstory. During an armed robbery in her childhood, Plumber’s Crack managed to get the robber’s gun and shot him dead. This event left her traumatised of everything gun related (did you catch the subtle theming with the new MMO, did ya, well, DID YA?) to such a degree that even finger guns reduces her to a sobbing mess. Yes, pointing is her weakness. This idiotic writing is hands down one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Finally, we come to the villain (full spoilers ahead; I don’t recommend this anime). The big twist is that the Death Gun can’t actually kill people IRL. A second person would break into the target’s house while they’re strapped into the VR set and poison them in time with the virtual accomplice shooting them in game, thus giving the impression that the player could kill for real. (Let’s not forget that an autopsy would reveal it wasn’t some magical death from the beginning.) The villain turns out to be one of Plumber’s Crack’s clingy IRL friends, who believes she owes him love for caring for her during her previous depression. What is it with every SAO villain being a rapist?

I forgot to mention: Ass Muncher figures out everything about the villain, right down to his psychology and the fact that he’s in the room with Plumber’s Crack right now by merely thinking about him.

What a pathetic anime. I have barely scratched the surface with this travesty. I did not even cover how bad Ass Muncher is at handling the case he’s hired for, not passing on information just so he can play the hero. One could go through every single scene and point out why that is the worst scene ever put to anime. And like SAO, the story ends in act 2 and act 3 is filler in another MMO. Again! Sword Art Online 2 rapes anime.

Art – Low

There is a significant quality drop on the previous Sword Art Online. Less animation, less effects, more reliance on mediocre CG, and there’s less effort in character and world design – naturally.

Sound – Very Low

The acting is bad and the script is utter trash. All exposition and backstory is in the wrong place and much of the dialogue is filler. Good music from the same composer as .hack//SIGN, but it can’t save the show.

Story – Very Low

A girl faces her fear of guns by playing a shooter MMO, until she needs rescuing by a boy called Kiri Sue. Bloody hell…what shit.

Overall Quality – Very Low

Recommendation: Avoid it. Sword Art Online 2 is so bad that it makes Sword Art Online seem like a masterpiece.

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Awards: (hover over each award to see descriptions; click award for more recipients)

Positive: None

Negative:

Atrocious PlotAwful DialogueDeus Ex MachinaHollow World BuildingHorrendous ActionInduces StupidityMary SueNo DevelopmentPoor PacingRepetitiveRubbish Major CharactersShallowUseless Side Cast