Tag Archives: Harem

A several party relationship (often falsely romantic), most commonly with one male pursued by a group of females. However, it can be a single female with several males.

Rent-a-Girlfriend – Anime Review

Japanese Title: Kanojo, Okarishimasu

 

Similar: Nisekoi

Golden Time

 

Watched in: Japanese & English

Genre: Harem Comedy Romance

Length: 12 episodes

 

Positives:

  • The art is nice

Negatives:

  • This time we do have anime’s worst protagonist
  • A reprehensible quartet of women
  • Repetitive dialogue
  • Goes nowhere
  • Not funny

(Request an anime for review here.)

All around the world, you can rent people to play almost any role. Acting doesn’t just live on stage or screen. Companies will hire crowds to augment the apparent numbers at an event or party, an individual can hire a “friend” to stage a moment, or one can even hire a family. Japan knows particularly of the latter, where concern over social appearances and saving face are worth the hefty prices. An orphaned adult might hire parents to appear respectable and “normal” before their boss. Others will hire grandparents to attend their wedding or perhaps employ a few “friends” to fill their half of the church. In fact, Caucasian foreigners in Japan are particularly popular for weddings to add to the Western authenticity of a church ceremony. An English officiant is hot stuff.

So for an anime to explore the idea of renting a girlfriend could be interesting. Rent-a-Girlfriend isn’t the anime to succeed, but it could still be interesting elsewhere.

Where to start with describing this anime? Kazuya, the protagonist, is the most pathetic person you could imagine, real or fictional. I have read passages and seen videos of some truly pathetic people, yet none compare to this loser. Kazuya is a university student characterised by his virginity. After his girlfriend Mami dumps him, he can’t handle it and rents Chizuru to be his girlfriend for an afternoon. He falls madly in love with her until he reads her reviews online, realising she is like this with everyone. He is intent on giving her a piece of his mind during their second “date” (why is there a second at all?), but a call from the hospital pulls them away to see his grandmother, where he lies about Chizuru being his real girlfriend. Now he begs her to keep “going out” with him to “not disappoint his grandmother”.

This all happens in the first episode, which while not awful (that comes later), does have a problem. The premise is backwards. For a rom-com of this kind, you need a goofy setup that keeps growing funnier as it doesn’t stop escalating into a worse scenario. By the time the protagonist realises he/she is in too deep, it should be too late to back out before all comes crashing down for the finale – all in a comedic manner, of course.

Think 10 Things I Hate About You with Heath Ledger hired to be a woman’s boyfriend so that the guy who paid him can date the younger sister (girls’ father said that the younger can only date if the older has a boyfriend first). He does the job because the pay’s good, but he soon falls in love with her and can’t tell the truth or he would lose her. While funny throughout, it culminates in a famous emotional moment. (Great film, by the way. Recommended.)

Rent-a-Girlfriend’s premise should have been that Kazuya had been bragging to his family about his first ever girlfriend, but she dumps him the night before he promised to introduce her to the family. Being a spineless coward, he can’t admit the truth and so hires Chizuru to stand in for her. “It’ll only be for one day. Then I can say it didn’t work out and we broke up,” he thinks to himself. Better yet, make it a random girl from the service. Have him not care about the girl at all. He just wants to save face. However, she delights his grandmother (it’s her job to delight, after all), who invites them over for the weekend – soon enough where a sudden breakup is unrealistic. And being the spineless coward that he is, Kazuya can’t say no and hires her again.

This scenario is ripe for escalating hijinks. The insistent family with no resistance from spineless wonder keeps pushing for more and more meet ups, they start giving her gifts (“For my future daughter-in-law. I insist.”), and ask the big questions. Chizuru is getting out of her depth here, so she stages secret meetings with him in the bathroom to discuss a plan and answers for those questions (the family would imagine something lewd is going on instead). Keep making the situation worse. In the process, they come to actually like each other, which you can draw out by having both think that the other just sees it as a professional arrangement.

But no, Rent-a-Girlfriend has none of that. Kazuya and Chizuru’s relationship starts out of loneliness, which isn’t funny. I think him being a lonely virgin is meant to be funny. From here on, assume that any scene I describe is meant for comedy despite how unfunny it is. There isn’t a single good joke. Anyways, he takes her to his grandmother and has an out, but still says she’s his girlfriend. Also, her grandmother is friends with his grandmother at the same hospital, though it amounts to little. Then he learns that Chizuru not only goes to his university, but also lives next door! It could work with this setup, though you need a much better writer. Kazuya keeps apologising for getting her involved yet keeps saying they’re going out. He kowtows to her like a peasant, promising he will pretend as if he doesn’t exist next door and he will take out his trash when she’s not around.

This pathetic guy won’t stop apologising. I know the terms have seen overuse and almost lost all meaning, but “simp” and “cuck” have never been more appropriate. Let me list a few of his highlights:

  • His ex-girlfriend throws herself at him after she finds out he has someone else. He masturbates instead of taking her offer despite being into her and with sex as his primary goal.
  • He keeps up the fake girlfriend lie instead of getting an actual girlfriend when given the opportunity.
  • Apologises for hiring a rental girl to be his rental girl. Multiple times.
  • Offers to give a rental girl money in exchange for no service.
  • He masturbates to one girl while thinking of another girl having sex with another guy.
  • He stalks her on service with other clients.
  • He sends his “girlfriend” to comfort another guy.

You might astutely be thinking that this all makes sense to set him up as some repugnant dipshit before the story takes him on an arc of growth. Well that’s where you’d be wrong. He gets worse as the series progresses and women encourage his bad behaviour as though this is the “Simp Manifesto”, containing all the secrets to getting a girlfriend for losers. (By Aphrodite, I hope otaku aren’t taking any advice from this rag.) When Chizuru catches him stalking her, she isn’t angry about the stalking. She’s just mad that he thought her actor friend was a client. Yes, you will find clips of her chastising him for some of his actions. Do you know what the next scene shows? Her enabling him and accepting his money anyway.

Now let’s talk about her. He’s not a bad person, just an absolute loser no one would want to be around. She is a bad person though. She’s uppity about her job yet ashamed for others to know of this “perfectly fine” work. Her work is to manipulate lonely people into giving her money in exchange for nothing. To call her a sex-free prostitute is an affront to prostitutes. With sex workers, you pay for sex and you get sex. It’s two adults in a consenting transaction. Or to use a platonic example, some Japanese women hire a man to help them vent emotion and hold her when she cries. They want to let it all out. These women don’t assume the man is now their boyfriend and never expected him to be one (they may develop feelings in a vulnerable moment, sure, and he is attractive by intention).

Chizuru pretends to be a guy’s girlfriend yet does nothing like a girlfriend. Emotional support? No. Any intimacy? No. Anything at all like a girlfriend? You know the answer.

A real version of this (non-sexual) service wouldn’t be about the guy hanging out with this girl. It would be – as I said at the start – about saving face or avoiding drama in front of others. A company man would hire a woman to play the part of his girlfriend at a company gala so that he doesn’t attend alone, for example. Once they step out of that event, they go their separate ways. The alternative version is more or less hiring a friendly tour guide to spend the day with. Rent-a-Girlfriend’s version is about stringing people along for exorbitant amounts of money (more than a prostitute), as Kazuya’s first date cost 40,000 yen (~$400 US) for a few hours. Chizuru is their most popular girl (the sub plot about her being poor doesn’t make sense either). Sex work is far more respectable than this job.

Beyond her exploitative work, she’s an all-round unlikeable character. When she plays the part of girlfriend around his friends and family, it doesn’t come across as her helping him out. She’s just manipulative. I have the feeling she gets off on weak guys like him prostrating themselves at her feet.

As expected, she starts to like him for no explained reason. It happens because that’s what the author says is to happen. Rent-a-Girlfriend presents itself as a love triangle at first, between these two and the ex-girlfriend. However, another girl joins halfway through the season and falls in love with him after he grabs her boob (I’m not kidding). Then another joins in the third act and falls for him as well. This anime pretends not to be a harem and turns out to be worse than a harem.

Even if one were to look at Rent-a-Girlfriend on its own merits, it’s a garbage anime. The repetition is insane. “She is just my rental girlfriend. I am just paying her to be my girlfriend. We aren’t really a couple,” or some variation of repeats several times each episode.

The dumbest line has to be after he nearly drowns saving her and she resuscitates him. “Why did you go to such lengths to save me on the beach while I wasn’t breathing? I mean, I’m just a client right.” “Such lengths” was mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, as you do in all drowning cases. What a piece of shit.

Nothing really happens in these 12 episodes. There are no arcs, no growth, no changes. It’s a series of introductions for one vile character after the other and most conflict stems from improbable coincidence, which is the crutch of lazy writers. The grandmother molests Chizuru in the bath cliché instead of another girl from the harem – that’s different, I suppose (end my suffering). This is the sort of anime to go for four seasons of filler with a meaningless ending.

Whether you are male or female, adult or teenager, please do not follow anything that Rent-a-Girlfriend is trying to teach. Don’t debase yourself like this guy – for anyone – and don’t manipulate people as she does. Don’t waste your time with this. Rent-a-Girlfriend doesn’t even have the decency to be entertaining trash. Kazuya should have gone to visit Doctor Eve in the next review…

Overall Quality – Very Low

Recommendation: Avoid it. Rent-a-Girlfriend isn’t just full of bad advice and behaviour that no one should emulate – it isn’t even funny.

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Awards: (hover over each award to see descriptions; click award for more recipients)

Positive: None

Negative:

Atrocious PlotInduces StupidityNot FunnyRepetitiveRubbish Major Characters

Fruits Basket – Anime Review

Japanese Title: Fruits Basket

 

Related: Fruits Basket 2001 (old version)

Similar: Ouran High School Host Club

Kamisama Kiss

Kobato.

 

Watched in: Japanese & English

Genre: Supernatural Comedy Drama Slice of Life

Length: 25 episodes

 

Positives:

  • Pleasant and good natured
  • Improved over the 2001 version

Negatives:

  • Protagonist is unflinchingly nice and upbeat
  • Comical antagonists
  • Desperate to make you feel sad

(Request an anime for review here.)

I have known of Fruits Basket for a long time. It was a big deal shortly into the new millennium and I’ve never had the urge to watch. A reader requested it, so I guess I have to give it try at least. To my surprise, it isn’t as bad as I had anticipated. I did stick to the new 2019 edition where the art isn’t hideous like the 2001 version, which made all the difference (goes back to the higher standards in art demanded by the core demographic, as I mentioned in Snow White with the Red Hair).

Tohru Honda is a girl down on her luck. She lost both parents, her grandfather can’t keep her any longer, the rest of the extended family hates her, and her tent barely holds it together in the woods. All of that changes when, one day, she stumbles upon the house of Shigure and Yuki, a popular boy from her school. Alongside Kyo and others, they make up the Souma family. However, should any of them hug the opposite sex, it would reveal their true form as an animal of the Chinese zodiac. Seeing her pitiable state, they agree to take her in on condition that she never reveal their secret.

Young girl surrounded by handsome boys, each one fitting an archetype of the reverse harem as they obsess over her. This is as classic shoujo as you can get!

Fruits Basket was an influential manga of the genre in the 90s & 00s, which can be a curse, especially if it is so easy to imitate and, more importantly, outdo. There is no complexity here, whether of story or of character. The reverse harem shoujo formula is as plug and play as the shounen battle anime. This isn’t like Evangelion, Full Metal Alchemist, or Death Note, where you can copy them, change a little, still expecting to have something decent of your own. It takes more than the formula. Every successful anime has galleries of imitators, but the best anime have few that come within arm’s reach of competing in quality.

As such, if you have any familiarity with shoujo anime/manga, nothing – and I mean nothing – will be of surprise in Fruits Basket. It doesn’t feel outdated after the polished remake, yet it doesn’t feel new.

However, let’s look at it for what it is or for the uninitiated.

The protagonist Tohru, I am not a fan. She is too nice. She’s nice it that annoying sort of way, where if she were a real person, you’d suspect it’s all a façade to cover the truth that she abuses animals in private. I exaggerate of course. She is impossibly happy and unbeatable in life to the point that conflict doesn’t matter. The story is structured as a collection of subplots for each character, as seen through the eyes of Tohru. We go through several of the zodiac boys with their tragic backstories and her school friends. Throughout this, nothing makes Tohru flinch. She is an upbeat, sunshine-filled, empty vessel to navigate the subplots. Fruits Basket desperately want you to feel sad for her, from the endless tragedy in her life down to the opening ballad carefully crafted to tug at your heartstrings. When you have a character as unrelatable as Tohru, none of this moves me a millimetre.

The supporting cast is more interesting and the reason the core demographic is here. Each boy fits a type, so one can pick a favourite. It’s unrealistic to have a teenaged girl surrounded by guys like this, but fans wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s yaoi baiting, naturally – wouldn’t be shoujo otherwise.

The boys’ conflicts centre on the zodiac “curse”. The curse is simply the transformation, but it is enough to wreck their relationships and their lives. The shouta kid (he’s older than he looks, they swear) transformed into a rabbit when his mother held him, which filled her with disgust and anger, driving her to attempted suicide. In the end, the Dragon of the zodiac erased her memory of him to give peace. This is a common story with the members of the zodiac. Some fall in love, their partner can’t handle the truth and have their mind’s modified, while the zodiac has to live with the memories and broken heart. The stories are simple and as I said earlier, done to death. You should see it all coming.

As for the antagonists – if you could even call them that – they are comical. They are the flattest characters of them all. The head of the Souma family just leers at everyone and makes threats. I don’t know how anyone can keep a straight face at the things she utters. The most hilarious villains have to be Tohru’s extended family. Her cousin, who is supposed to be respectable and wants to be an officer, goes on a rant about how she’s a slut for staying with boys. How comically flat can you get? These people are funny, not threatening.

If one were of the core demographic for Fruits Basket, a tween girl, there would be stars in her eyes as she dreams of her best boy and yadi yada lovey dovey stuff. For everyone else, there is plenty better shoujo anime out there. If you want a comedy that parodies the genre, I can’t recommend Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-kun enough, or you’ve got Little Witch Academia and Kodocha.

Art – Medium

The production across the board is much improved over the original, though it isn’t anything to write home about. The art is pleasant enough to match the story’s tone. Could do with less full screen bloom. Go easy on my eyes, please.

Sound – Medium

The acting and the script is fine middle-of-the-road quality that gets the job done but won’t stick with you. All that stands out is the extra mountains of sugar. The first opening song is a little much in forcing you to feel sad for Tohru.

Story – Medium

An orphaned yet upbeat girl finds lodging with a group of handsome boys that turn into the animals of the zodiac when hugged. She grows close to them as she unravels their mysterious pasts. Each character gets their time in Tohru’s arms for her to learn their backstories. None of them rises above average.

Overall Quality – Medium

Recommendation: For shoujo fans only. You have to be a shoujo fan to enjoy Fruits Basket. It is as typical shoujo anime as you can get.

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Awards: (hover over each award to see descriptions; click award for more recipients)

Positive: None

Negative: None

The Rising of the Shield Hero – Anime Review

Japanese Title: Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari

 

Similar: Re:Zero

Grimgar: Ashes and Illusions

Overlord

 

Watched in: Japanese & English

Genre: Action Adventure Drama Fantasy

Length: 25 episodes

 

Positives:

  • Good music

Negatives:

  • Loli harem
  • Everyone is moronic
  • Conflict points forgotten every few episodes
  • Infuriating to watch

(Request an anime for review here.)

The Rising of the Shield Hero is infuriating from the very first episode. Should you embark on this isekai journey, know that you will want to pluck your eyes out at the stupidity of the characters before long.

Like all MMO isekai, this story is about an ordinary guy transported into a fantasy world that follows the rules of a video game. The difference here, however, it that he is one of four summoned to save this world from the impending apocalypse against their will. Each hero wields a legendary item – sword, spear, bow, or shield. For some reason, seemingly everyone in this world hates whoever wields the shield. So, of course, Naofumi is bestowed with the power of the Shield Hero.

Matters immediately turn against him when the king ignores him before the court, the one woman who joins his party (fighters flock to the other heroes) robs him like the sucker he is and falsely accuses him of rape. No one believes his denial.

See, this setup sounds good on paper – much of the story sounds good on paper – but the execution doesn’t just fail, it infuriates. Let’s take the trial, where the king and the other heroes determine what to do with the Shield Hero for “raping” the woman. First, everyone believes her without question as if they are dumbest people to have ever lived. No, not as if – they are the dumbest people to have ever lived. Furthermore, Shield Hero can’t even remain consistent. One second he’s accused of rape, which holds an instant death penalty, with the other heroes saying he’s scum and should die, but when he demands to be sent back home, some dipshit says he’s giving up at first sign of trouble? Ah yes, facing death is just “a sign of trouble”. What kind of garbage dialogue is this?

You want to know what happens next? Do they kill him? Do they at least lock him up? Nope, he just walks out.

The purpose of this incident was to strip him of all allies and resources, starting him at the lowest point for maximum conflict in the story. This is good. Executing it in this manner is not. And as I said, Shield Hero can’t keep its story straight. It forgets he’s supposed to be put to death. Yes, word does spread of his “actions” and people shun him at every turn, including merchants ripping him off, but the fact that he supposedly raped a princess (the woman was a princess) may as well have been as serious a crime as pissing on a postman everyone liked.

Let me talk about the whole “the Shield Hero always sucks” device for a moment. We never receive an explanation for why everyone thinks the Shield sucks. The king holds a personal grudge against all Shield Heroes, sure, but why would anyone else go along with it? The peasantry doesn’t give a toss about a king’s feelings.

Then we come to the idea that the Legendary Shield itself is weak. Has this guy not seen 300? It quickly becomes apparent that the Shield has great power, including the ability to summon an iron maiden to crush opponents in a spiked tomb. Furthermore, he’s not the first Shield Hero, which means previous incarnations would have demonstrated its power. Do I need to explain further?

Another weird point is how blasé the four guys are about suddenly teleporting to a fantasy world. The story tries to explain it by saying that three of them played an MMO matching this setting in their alternate versions of Japan (Naofumi read about it in a book). Look, if I ended up in World of Warcraft or Guild Wars one day, it would still be a shock regardless of how many hours days months years I put into those games. It’s as if the isekai genre has become so overdone, so trite that there’s no point trying to sell the premise – the audience will eat it up either way.

Anyway, after the rape trial that everyone forgets, Shield Hero buys himself a slave tanuki-girl called Raphtalia to be his sword since the Legendary Heroes cannot wield other weapons. Raphtalia is probably the best character of the series. After a training curve and going from loli to adult overnight (“game mechanics”), she’s tough, competent, and justifies her presence. I wouldn’t call her great, but it’s a surprise to have a female character of her quality in an isekai harem.

One point of conflict arises when Bitch Princess learns of Raphtalia. She yells about how the Shield Hero is reprehensible for keeping a slave. To nobody’s surprise, everyone sides with her in wanting to lynch him. Doesn’t this kingdom have rampant slavery of demi-humans without checks and don’t all humans, royal family included, treat demi-humans like trash? Why would any of them care he has a slave?

You want to know what happens next? The Spear Hero challenges him to a duel, where the princess cheats for him (everyone sees this, but she says she didn’t cheat, so they believe her [just kill me]), the conflict is explained away by someone finally agreeing that she cheated, and then forgotten like the rape before it.

The presence of these two characters in particular, Spear Hero and princess, tanks the quality of Shield Hero.

A big chicken/loli girl joins Naofumi next in an episode that defies belief. Dipshit Spear Hero and his Bitch Princess are extorting a village with ludicrous taxes that will starve the people. When the Shield Hero objects, they challenge him to a chocobo race for ownership of the village. Naturally, Bitch Princess cheats the whole time. This episode makes Shield Hero feel like the comical Wacky Racers rather than the grim fantasy it so desperately wants to portray. He wins, they bugger off.

Do their actions give them a bad reputation? Take a guess.

It’s like this over and over again. When not on a filler grinding episode (obviously the most interesting part of an MMO…), someone – usually the princess or Spear Hero – accuses him of a crime that warrants death (or equivalent), everyone believes the accuser, he defends himself miserably, the situation resolves because someone says so, and there are no lasting consequences. The only consistency is that everyone hates the Shield Hero. Yet even that only continues by raising idiotic scenario after even more idiotic scenario to have everyone hate him. He saves the world? Doesn’t matter – someone said I should hate him, therefore I do. The way they treat him, even during the apocalyptic waves, you’d think they didn’t want saving.

The stupidest of all conflict points has to be the brainwashing shield. Later in the series, a third loli girl joins Shield Hero’s harem, who turns out to be the other princess and first in line for the throne. Bitch Princess is on her trail to kill the competition. When she catches up to the Shield Hero’s group and sees loli princess with him, what can she do to separate sister from protector? I know! How about accuse him of kidnapping the girl? What? She’s saying she wants to be with him? Hmm, what to do…what to do? That’s right! His shield has a brainwashing power. Does it really? Yes, because I say so. And with that evidence to go on, everyone believes her. (Just tear my eyes out and feed them to the chickens already!)

Execution is wrong at every turn. For instance, the other heroes are more interested in feeding their egos with glory and adoration of the masses. They will sweep into town, solve whatever problem the people are facing, and ride off like champions without consideration for the larger problems created. This is an interesting idea, to have heroes be the cause of problems. Poor execution sadly saps potential. Naofumi rocks up and solves the problem in an episode or two with no lasting effects on the story. Instead of using the “monster of the week” formula, it’s a “problem of the week” structure and just as disposable. Action scenes also follow the “you made me use my trump card” battle structure, which rarely performs well at the best of times. When the trump card does come out, there’s no reason they couldn’t have used it right away to end the fight without injury.

The conflict owes its stupidity to the characters above all. I’ve talked a lot of Bitch Princess (the resolution to her arc is so moronic that you’ll want to blow your brains out to forget it), but she is just the start. Spear Hero, dipshit supreme and useful idiot-in-chief; the other heroes, may as well delete them for how much they bring to the table; loli princess, complains that Shield Hero doesn’t get along with her father, demanding he apologise to the king; the king, why is he king; the populace, none should be saved; and worst of all, Queen Chicken.

Late in the series, the queen of chocobos chickens filolials comes to the Shield Hero and says that if the four heroes don’t learn to work together, they won’t be strong enough to conquer later waves of the apocalypse. She will kill them to summon four new heroes who can do better, should it come to that. Remember how I said that all conflict resolves through hand waving? This threat resolves the hatred from other heroes – never mind the stupidity of not making this clear from the beginning, you absolute. incompetent. imbeciles!

That’s not the worst of it. She says the following to him, in regards to his conflict with other heroes: “Did you every try to get along with them? Did you ever try to defend yourself? If you don’t defend yourself, it will be seen as an admission of guilt.”

Not only was he the friendliest on arrival and not only did he try to defend himself from the very beginning, this logic is utterly moronic. For one, they want him to be guilty. This logic reminds me of those teachers who say to a bullied kid, “Have you tried being nicer [to your bullies]?”

Stupidity just doesn’t stop. Look, just because you make fun of light novel tropes in your first scene, doesn’t make you any better than the rest of them. In fact, you turned out worse! The season ends with consequences for some of the biggest idiots. However, as I said at the start, the execution is wrong every step of the way. The story can’t decide if it’s a grim fantasy, one hero against the world, or some dumb loli harem for idiots. It’s certainly not the former with its inability to kill characters for good.

The Rising of the Shield Hero was the biggest isekai in the first half of 2019. If this is the best the genre has to offer these days, then there is no hope.

Art – Medium

The animation, though inconsistent at times, is good and the world has plenty of texture. Early episodes show promise of high production values, but they drop over time to a decent level.

Sound – Low

I like the OPs with their electro vocals and the acting is good (except the Japanese loli voice, as always), but the writing is another story. It is just so moronic. Every episode brings your head into your hands as you question the mentality of these characters.

Story – Very Low

A guy summoned to a fantasy land unfortunately receives the power of the weakest hero weapon – the shield – and faces endless discrimination as he tries to protect the world that hates him. Good on paper, bad in execution, The Rising of the Shield Hero is a painful train wreck.

Overall Quality – Very Low

Recommendation: Avoid it. The Rising of the Shield Hero is an infuriating experience I don’t recommend to anyone.

(Request reviews here. Find out more about the rating system here.)

 

Awards: (hover over each award to see descriptions; click award for more recipients)

Positive: None

Negative: 

Awful DialogueInduces StupidityRubbish Major Characters

Sword Art Online 2 – Anime Review

Japanese Title: Sword Art Online 2

 

Related: Sword Art Online (1st season)

Similar: Log Horizon

No Game No Life

Zegapain

 

Watched in: Japanese & English

Genre: Action Fantasy Science Fiction

Length: 24 episodes

 

Positives:

  • Makes the first season seem amazing

Negatives:

  • Kirito is more Mary Sue than ever
  • New girl’s backstory is hysterical
  • Act 3 is filler, yet again!
  • Exposition dumps everywhere
  • The garbage keeps piling up

(Request an anime for review here.)

I don’t know how he did it, but he managed to make Sword Art Online look like a masterpiece. Sword Art Online 2 is such trash that you’re going to need a hazmat suit to sit through all the cancer this anime jabs into your eyeballs.

Shortly after the events of the first season, where thousands died trapped in a virtual MMO, everyone has forgotten about the incident and nothing came of the disaster. Utterly incompetent at everything, the government hires Mary “Kirito” Sue to enter the latest virtual MMO craze, Gun Gale Online, and figure out how a player can kill people in real life by shooting them in game with a “Death Gun” (not kidding). He teams up with the useless sniper Plumber’s “Sinon” Crack, who has the tragic backstory of being terrified of finger guns (not kidding). Meanwhile, Mary Sue’s harem of useless women (including his sister and “daughter”) are stuck in last year’s game, some fantasy trash no one cares about anymore, while they circlejill about how amazing Mary Sue is. They don’t matter, their game doesn’t matter, so let’s forget them there.

Where to begin?

The exposition dumps! I lost count of the amount of time spent with characters sitting down – often in a diner – just vomiting exposition. The first episode alone spends over half of its time on one such scene. I get that Sword Art Online is made for the lowest tier, but have some respect for their intelligence. When it isn’t farting exposition in your mouth after having eaten five too many spicy burritos the night before, Sword Art Online 2 graces you with filler dialogue and some of the dumbest lines in anime history. Mary Sue acts like a dimwit before the show’s big tournament just so the girl can explain everything. The narrative dumps everything beforehand rather than showing it to the audience along the way. Let’s not forget the repetition. It repeats a flashback of a fight with the villain group from SAO four times!

Then we have the new game of the season, Gun Gale Online. This game is reason enough to slam this anime in the dumpster. First, they advertise it as the only game with pro players (what?), then the way they talk about character builds and the metagame doesn’t make sense for a shooter (even one with RPG elements). The system for getting paid – converting virtual currency to real money – is also illegal yet never questioned (remember, the government sent Mary Sue into this game, so wouldn’t they do something?) Once inside the game, it only gets worse. You know what would be better than an empty shell of a new world each season? One fully developed world instead.

How do players not die in a single hit if everyone uses guns? Well, in Gun Gale Online, you can see the trajectory of a bullet before it fires. Did the author put any thought into this? Look, if I pointed a gun at you and told you where I was aiming, you still wouldn’t dodge in time. The only way this works is if the bullets are as slow as molasses, in which case, why bother with guns at all? It’s so stupid it hurts.

Apparently, the character creator is random. Mary Sue has a female avatar generated for him (oh the sweet irony), which is just an excuse to have him be a girl this season – a girl, by the way, that looks just like him, though that may be down to A-1 Pictures’ inability to draw more than one face. Yeah, “random”.

You know SAO 2 is going to be shite in episode 4 – well, from the first scene really, but episode 4 cements it at the bottom of the ocean. Mary Sue needs money as a new player and sees a gambling game where one has to reach a gunslinger down the street while dodging his bullets. No one has ever won, adding to the prize pool with each failure. After seeing only one person’s attempt, Mary Sue breezes through it as easy as a stroll down the street. Of course. He gives us some nonsense about “predicting the prediction” to dodge bullets. So you’re telling that in the most hardcore, competitive PvP VRMMO, none of these professional players ever did the same? What sort of an idiot wrote this?

What does he do with this instant jackpot? He buys a Lightsaber. Yes, in a game about guns, where all swords are known to be useless, they conveniently have Lightsabers – sound effects included (and the villain is a Darth Vader rip-off) – just so Mary Sue can wield a sword like he did in other games. And to nobody’s surprise, he is amazing with it right away. He is so good that he can cut down every bullet from full auto machine gun fire. The author is so bad that he forced a FPS game upon the audience, yet couldn’t even commit and had to give Mary Sue an invincible sword. He can also drive motorbikes instantly and better than anyone else, having learnt this skill from playing racing games in the past. You know, regular racers on screen… (“Is it possible to learn this laziness?” “Not from a good writer.”) There is no attempt at hiding his power.

You have one guess on who wins the big tournament with Sinon.

Speaking of Plumber’s Crack (her character designer made sure she had her crack visible at all times for Mary Sue’s convenience, for we all know he wants to eat that ass), allow me to present to you the worst female character ever written. Her first introduction gives the impression of a sniper at the highest tier of play. As soon as Ass Muncher enters the game, however, she becomes useless all so that he can save and grope her at every turn. It goes so far that the climax has Ass Muncher telling her exactly what to do because she now has the skill of a noob. Every girl, no matter how strong, becomes a puddle of piss around this guy.

The funniest part is her backstory. During an armed robbery in her childhood, Plumber’s Crack managed to get the robber’s gun and shot him dead. This event left her traumatised of everything gun related (did you catch the subtle theming with the new MMO, did ya, well, DID YA?) to such a degree that even finger guns reduces her to a sobbing mess. Yes, pointing is her weakness. This idiotic writing is hands down one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Finally, we come to the villain (full spoilers ahead; I don’t recommend this anime). The big twist is that the Death Gun can’t actually kill people IRL. A second person would break into the target’s house while they’re strapped into the VR set and poison them in time with the virtual accomplice shooting them in game, thus giving the impression that the player could kill for real. (Let’s not forget that an autopsy would reveal it wasn’t some magical death from the beginning.) The villain turns out to be one of Plumber’s Crack’s clingy IRL friends, who believes she owes him love for caring for her during her previous depression. What is it with every SAO villain being a rapist?

I forgot to mention: Ass Muncher figures out everything about the villain, right down to his psychology and the fact that he’s in the room with Plumber’s Crack right now by merely thinking about him.

What a pathetic anime. I have barely scratched the surface with this travesty. I did not even cover how bad Ass Muncher is at handling the case he’s hired for, not passing on information just so he can play the hero. One could go through every single scene and point out why that is the worst scene ever put to anime. And like SAO, the story ends in act 2 and act 3 is filler in another MMO. Again! Sword Art Online 2 rapes anime.

Art – Low

There is a significant quality drop on the previous Sword Art Online. Less animation, less effects, more reliance on mediocre CG, and there’s less effort in character and world design – naturally.

Sound – Very Low

The acting is bad and the script is utter trash. All exposition and backstory is in the wrong place and much of the dialogue is filler. Good music from the same composer as .hack//SIGN, but it can’t save the show.

Story – Very Low

A girl faces her fear of guns by playing a shooter MMO, until she needs rescuing by a boy called Kiri Sue. Bloody hell…what shit.

Overall Quality – Very Low

Recommendation: Avoid it. Sword Art Online 2 is so bad that it makes Sword Art Online seem like a masterpiece.

(Request reviews here. Find out more about the rating system here.)

 

Awards: (hover over each award to see descriptions; click award for more recipients)

Positive: None

Negative:

Atrocious PlotAwful DialogueDeus Ex MachinaHollow World BuildingHorrendous ActionInduces StupidityMary SueNo DevelopmentPoor PacingRepetitiveRubbish Major CharactersShallowUseless Side Cast

The Story of Saiunkoku – Anime Review

Japanese Title: Saiunkoku Monogatari

 

Similar: Yona of the Dawn

The Twelve Kingdoms

Moribito: Guardian of the Spirit

 

Watched in: Japanese & English

Genre: Historical Comedy Fantasy Romance

Length: 78 episodes (2 seasons)

 

Positives:

  • Nice music.
  • Surprisingly well paced for a large cast and long series.
  • Knows its audience.

Negatives:

  • No historical authenticity.
  • Needs more animation.

(Request an anime for review here.)

With her family estate declining and her future uncertain, the young librarian and teacher Shuurei accepts the court’s offer to become the lazy emperor’s concubine and instructor in exchange for 500 gold pieces. She has no reason to turn down the offer, as the new emperor prefers the company of men (or so he likes everyone to believe). Plus, this could be the opportunity to fulfil her dream of becoming a member of the court, where the fate of the people is decided. Her innocence and focus teeter on the brink however, when her job puts her in the path of several handsome men, never mind the emperor’s stupidity.

The first impressions of The Story of Saiunkoku gave me hope of seeing another Twelve Kingdoms (still have my fingers crossed for a conclusion) with its bishounen artwork set to a vast kingdom and mystical backstory. I expected far too much. It is partially my fault, likely generated out of desperation to see more of The Twelve Kingdoms sort. So, I adjusted my expectations and saw Saiunkoku for what it is – a shoujo historical fantasy romance that pays no attention to historical realism in exchange for dreamboat men.

First off, I believe this anime conveniently ignores what a concubine actually is (we call them something very different today). It wouldn’t do to have the protagonist called a whore every scene in a show for young girls, now would it?

Changing some historical nuance isn’t a deal breaker for a show such as this, full of fantasy and no “true story” adaptation. The real issue is the complete lack of feeling that this takes place in a period gone by. This is a very “anime” anime for teenage girls with its modern humour and contemporary mannerisms. I wouldn’t call this a historical piece. I liken Saiunkoku to characters dressing up for a period piece rather and actual period piece. Whether the author wasn’t skilled enough to write a period piece or the team thought it would be too difficult for the target audience to understand, Saiunkoku isn’t a period romance.

Barring that, it does have strengths. For one, the aesthetic is lovely, suits the tone of the series, and no doubt makes the bishounen even more appealing to the audience. While this is a reverse harem, matters never descend into garbage harem territory. It also has many elements, from the intricacies of government to wider cultures and a large cast of character without dragging down proceedings. The story moves at a good pace and never feels tired. The top-level plot progress slows at times, though this is in exchange for more exploration of a subplot. I cannot impress upon you enough how surprised I am by this. Too often, such a volume of elements results in a bloated mess where everything competes for attention, nothing sticks with the audience, and you just want to drop the series.

We have plenty of politics within and without as Shuurei navigates the imperial court and all its conniving players. She faces a greater challenge than others do, being a woman in the territory of men while falling for some of them. The drama never gets heavy, yet it has enough to deliver the audience to the conclusion. It maintains the mask of shoujo romance, yet doesn’t do so at the total expense of depth.

The Story of Saiunkoku is quite good for young girls – there is a lot here for the right audience – but anyone desiring an experience that takes you back in time with a touch of fantasy will find this piece too modern.

Art – Medium

Most of the effort went into the character designs and aesthetics, which look nice, instead of animation, which needs work.

Sound – Medium

Music is the best part of The Story of Saiunkoku. I like the OP and classical Asian instrumental soundtrack. As for acting, the Japanese fine. I would avoid the dub, as a couple of characters are jarring. One kid has so much nasal on top of being a kid everyone would punch on first meeting.

Story – Medium

A girl agrees to become concubine to the new emperor in exchange for a hefty reward, but the simple proposition complicates itself when feelings get involved. While not a period piece whatsoever, The Story of Saiunkoku is a good shoujo romance.

Overall Quality – Medium

Recommendation: For shoujo fans. The Story of Saiunkoku is shoujo within and without – unfortunately at the expense of historical realism. It knows its core demographic.

(Request reviews here. Find out more about the rating system here.)

 

Awards: (hover over each award to see descriptions; click award for more recipients)

Positive: None

Negative: None