Japanese Title: Sister Princess
Related: Sister Princess: Re Pure (sequel)
Similar: Happy Lesson
Watched in: Japanese & English
Length: 26 episodes
- The comical dub.
- Torturous bunch of sisters.
- Minimal art effort.
- “Onii-chan” to infinity.
- The “secret.”
I often talk about how harem anime follow this formula of cycling through the girls – introducing each, dating each, solving each girl’s problem in turn, and ending on a choice of one or all girls – and how predictable the genre becomes. Sister Princess does things a little different. It doesn’t cycle the girls – it uses all of them at once. All twelve of them.
The horrors I have seen…
When Wataru failed his high school entrance exam because of a computer glitch, I was transported with him to Promised Island where twelve little girls lived, all claiming to be his sisters. The promise was one of cuteness, but this couldn’t have been further from the truth. I underestimated them. Behind their harmless smiles lurked a darkness the likes of which I had never imagined possible. “Big Brother,” they greeted him – one said “Bro-bro” – I thought nothing of it at the time.
Wataru went about his new life in this mansion filled with his so-called sisters, I tethered to him like a spirit of the damned bound to existence until a purpose actualised. All seemed normal.
Then they learnt of email. Yes, email, an innocent enough invention, yet one that heralded the inception of my slow descent. Upon this discovery, each sister insisted upon sending him daily emails – I should have seen the signs, considering they lived in the same house as Wataru. Oh how blind I was. He read every email, annoyed at first, but willing soon after. I had to watch too, bound to his path, as he opened email after email with words of poisoned sweetness accompanied by photographs of his sisters in provocative poses, poses intended to delight and arouse him. Each email had some form of “Bro-bro,” “Brother Dearest,” “Brother Mine,” and many more littered throughout. If only I had had the means to sever my connection to the corporeal plane. Why did it have to be so many? Why did he have so many sisters? Where did they come from – none look alike, claiming different countries of origin. I doubted their relations.
A brief respite arrived afterwards, allowing me to recover some of my faculties, but I could already feel the darkness caress my mind, its tendrils invading my frontal lobe.
Bro-bro, Brother Dearest, Brother Mine…Bro-bro, Brother Dearest, Brother Mine, repeated in my mind like an infinite echo as one sister played at being the most incompetent British detective I ever saw, while another spoke with the slowness and delay of the mentally handicapped peppered with the French “Mon-frère.” Perhaps her comportment had come from of being the visiting spectre to Promised Island before me.
One day, a sister decided to wear a wedding dress and become Wataru’s bride. I tried to warn him. Do not think poorly of me for allowing all this to transpire. I tried. My words were mere whispers on wind. With the advent of one bride, more sisters soon wanted to become brides. Though I knew it would be all sisters, I was not prepared for the onslaught of “Brother Mine,” “Bro-bro,” and “Big Brother.” I changed my language centre in the hope of relief. However, “Brother” and its variants mutated into “Onii-chan,” “Nii-ya,” “Onii-tama,” and other terms I dare not utter here for fear of a recall to the island of madness.
Wataru took their proposals seriously, including the prospect of consummating these marriages in the future. Amongst the maelstrom of Oniis and Bros I had ability enough to know he would have stripped bridal gowns if he were certain this wouldn’t make it to television, or if they were in a video game. The church would have become their marital chamber. Churchgoers would have had to find another location to congregate for Sunday Mass, a purer location.
By now, the darkness had driven its tendrils deep. I was only seven episodes in and saw no end in sight, the darkness blinding in its hold over me. What events transpired after the near bridal orgy, I know not. All I recall are the twelve spawns of hell and their infernal incantation: Onii-tama…Bro-bro…Nii-ya…Brother Dearest…Onii…Bro…
Why were all these girls even here? What was their purpose? What was the purpose for any of this!? The promise amounted to amnesia of the island, which was nothing more than a lie to lure the hapless victim into believing Wataru’s journey had a purpose. He lied – they all lied. There was nothing in the dark. Lay that way only madness.
Do not forget my words, dear reader. Do not go to the Promised Island.
Art – Very Low
Generic character designs interchangeable with the Lolis of other harem. No artistic creativity and little animation.
Sound – Very Low
Pick your poison of bad acting: the intolerable fake-cute Japanese or the dub that takes the piss with a random German, Brit, French retard, and a girl possessed by Gilbert Gottfried [NSFW]. The dub is so comical it’s hilarious. Every time I hear the words Brother or Onii-chan, I must fight the urge to drive an ice pick into the speaker’s brain, or my own – whichever is easier.
Story – Very Low
A student moves to an island to live with his twelve “sisters.” A series of inane events with insufferable Lolis that lead to nowhere sums up Sister Princess.
Overall Quality – Very Low
Recommendation: Avoid it. Unless you love oniiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-chan, Sister Princess isn’t for you. One of the worst anime I have seen.
Awards: (hover over each award to see descriptions; click award for more recipients)